Geeky Wisdom

Here is an assortment of various geeky quotes that took me hours to cut and paste from a quotations page.

Computer Quotes

"The NeXT Computer: The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a workstation, the unit sales makes it a mainframe."

"What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator."

"Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?"

"Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad."

"Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_|"

"If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing."

"Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium."

"Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand."

"All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."

"Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a window."

"If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...?"

"I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them."
-Isaac Asimov

"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
-Nathaniel Borenstein

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
-Robert X Cringely

"The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec."
-Marcus Dolengo

"The computer is a moron."
-Peter Drucker

"I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your pleased too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew."
-Janet Minor

"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked."
-Jeff Pesis

"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little."

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
-Mitch Ratliffe

Artificial Intelligence Quotes

"The robot is going to lose. Not by much. But when the final score is tallied, flesh and blood is going to beat the damn monster."
-Adam Smith

"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
-Steve Wozniak

"The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway."
-Bernard Avishai

"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."
-Stephen Hawking

Internet Quotes

"The Internet is like a vault with a screen door on the back. I don't need jackhammers and atom bomb to get in when I can walk through the door."

"Old hackers never die. They just go to bitnet."

"Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life."
-Andrew Brown

"URLs are the 800 numbers of the 1990's."
-Chris Clark

"The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You can't step on it. You can't go around it. You've got to get through it."
-John Evans

"Surfing on the Internet is like sex; everyone boasts about doing more than they actually do. But in the case of the Internet, it's a lot more."
-Tom Fasulo

"Cyberspace: A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation."
-William Gibson

"The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it."
-William Gibson

"I worry about my child and the Internet all the time, even though she's too young to have logged on yet. Here's what I worry about. I worry that 10 or 15 years from now, she will come to me and say 'Daddy, where were you when they took freedom of the press away from the Internet?'"
-Mike Godwin

"Genuinely skillful use of obscenities is uniformly absent on the Internet."
-Karl Kleinpaste

"Information Superhighway is really an acronym for 'Interactive Network For Organizing, Retrieving, Manipulating, Accessing And Transferring Information On National Systems, Unleashing Practically Every Rebellious Human Intelligence, Gratifying Hackers, Wiseacres, And Yahoos'."
-Keven Kwaku

"Looking at the proliferation of personal web pages on the net, it looks like very soon everyone on earth will have 15 Megabytes of fame."
-MG Siriam

"Mosaic is the 1990's equivalent of forcing friends to sit through slides of your trip to Florida - painful for everyone but the host."
-Steve G. Steinberg

"I used to think that cyberspace was fifty years away. What I thought was fifty years away, was only ten years away. And what I thought was ten years away... it was already here. I just wasn't aware of it yet."
-Bruce Sterling

Usenet Quotes

"Usenet is like Tetris for people who still know how to read."
-Computer Museum (Boston)

"Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to the jaw."
-Computer Museum (Boston)

"If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in about ... five minutes."

"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
-Blair Houghton

Debugging Quotes

"Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever."

"Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature."
-Rich Kulawiec

"Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debuging Monday's code."
-Dan Salomon

"It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist peacefully."
-Doug Vargas

"As soon as we started programming, we found out to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs."
-Maurice Wilkes

OS Quotes

"Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!'"


"Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS..."

"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."
-Jeremy S. Anderson

"We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5."
-Henry Spencer

Error Messages

"The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out..."

"WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue."

"COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key." -Anon.

"Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though."

"Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!"

"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..."

"Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)"

"General Failure's Fault. Not Yours."

"Hit any user to continue."

"Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying."

"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue."

"Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can."

"Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector."

"Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe Halted."

Programs & Programming Quotes

"BASIC - A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company."

"I speak BASIC to clients, 1-2-3 to management, and mumble to myself."

"Optimization hinders evolution."

"The best book on programming for the layman is Alice in Wonderland; but that's because it's the best book on anything for layman."

"Pascal keeps your hand tied. C gives you enough rope to hang yourself."

"A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages."

"Real programmers are those that can sleep in front of terminals ... with their eyes opened."

"Real programmers don't work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am it's because they were up all night."

"Real programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN."

"There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works."

"f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng."

"Old programmers never die. They just branch out to a new address."

"Old programmers never die. They just can't C as well."

"Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand."

"If we can dispel the delusion that learning about computers should be an activity of fiddling with array indexes and worrying whether X is an integer or a real number, we can begin to focus on programming as a source of ideas."
-Harold Abelson

"Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption."
-Keith Bostic

"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers."
-Leonard Brandwein

"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked."
-John Gall

"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
-C.A.R. Hoare

"A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'. Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like 'ID 02'. 'ID' is an abbreviation for idiosyncrasy and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had."
-Guy Kawasaki

"He who hasn't hacked assemply language as a youth has no heart. He who does as an adult has no brain."
-John Moore

"As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications."
-Dave Parnas

"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."
-Michael Sinz

"Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals."
-Henry Spencer

"Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be misleading."
-Dave Storer

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
-Bjarne Stroustrup

"Real programmers can write assembly code in any language."
-Larry Wall

"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs."
-Joseph Weizenbaum

"If you're masochistic enough to program in ADA, we're not going to stop you."
-Matt Welsh